I use to journal through-out the years, once I got my hands on a computer "blogging" soon replaced my pen and paper. Often times in Iraq when computers were scarce or rarely working... my friend and solace became pen and paper once again. A few times all I had was a napkin from the untouched MRE meal... (except that pound cake) Pound cake is excellent.
I've been having a diffacult time sleeping since I left the military. Many a nights, I lay in bed tossing and turning... not able to sleep, but too exhausted try anything else. I lay there and the realities of the last 5 years play through my head. Kind of like a damn movie ya can't "pause" or "stop". So, often when this happens I'll turn on the light near by bed and write away my pain, frustration, and any other bothersome thought. Some writings I am too ashamed to keep, so they get burned the very next day. It helps though, it really does.
Perhaps my intent to blog this is that I may bore myself to sleep... for my life is not nearly exciting enough to keep my eyes from dimming.
I wish I was still in Iraq. That's where my mind is right now. Of course, watching 3 seasons of House MD. doesn't help any... at one time in life I contributed to the wellbeing and health of my soldiers. Don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy bandaging a burn blasted leg while gettin' shot at- but my heart is there, and someone has got to do it. When CSM came up to me and said that "you did a good job, he might just get to keep the leg." It felt good. Maybe for once, I did something right and it was for someone else.
So, my mind runs with the pack... and I am laying in bed with my aches and pains. Aches, which in fact medically retired me last month. Evidentally, I was of no use to the army any longer.
Alas, such is life. I must find a new occupation of time spent and energy.
Oh well. Guess I'm gonna go and attempt sleep. In hopes those dreams aren't my past, and of the day prior wishing slumber.
I've been having a diffacult time sleeping since I left the military. Many a nights, I lay in bed tossing and turning... not able to sleep, but too exhausted try anything else. I lay there and the realities of the last 5 years play through my head. Kind of like a damn movie ya can't "pause" or "stop". So, often when this happens I'll turn on the light near by bed and write away my pain, frustration, and any other bothersome thought. Some writings I am too ashamed to keep, so they get burned the very next day. It helps though, it really does.
Perhaps my intent to blog this is that I may bore myself to sleep... for my life is not nearly exciting enough to keep my eyes from dimming.
I wish I was still in Iraq. That's where my mind is right now. Of course, watching 3 seasons of House MD. doesn't help any... at one time in life I contributed to the wellbeing and health of my soldiers. Don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy bandaging a burn blasted leg while gettin' shot at- but my heart is there, and someone has got to do it. When CSM came up to me and said that "you did a good job, he might just get to keep the leg." It felt good. Maybe for once, I did something right and it was for someone else.
So, my mind runs with the pack... and I am laying in bed with my aches and pains. Aches, which in fact medically retired me last month. Evidentally, I was of no use to the army any longer.
Alas, such is life. I must find a new occupation of time spent and energy.
Oh well. Guess I'm gonna go and attempt sleep. In hopes those dreams aren't my past, and of the day prior wishing slumber.
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